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It creeps up on your nostrils when you’re least expecting it and latches onto your nose hairs for dear life. What could be assaulting your nostrils with such vigor?? It’s Derby funk. Not the down in the dumps kind of funk. I’m talking about the, you just knocked yourself out by smelling our own gear, kind of funk.

It happens to the best of us. We have all, on occasion, forgotten our gear in the car or have allowed it to stew over night in a zipped bag. However, there are those who proudly flaunt their well curated derby funk. Some leagues even present end of year trophies to the smelliest of derby folk. But derby funk is like farts, you might be cool with your own odor, but no one else is. All kidding aside, if you’re gear is smelling funky, and is against your skin, it can actually lead to infections, rashes, or break outs. And heaven forbid a skin issue gets in the way of derby time. Has anyone ever wondered what is really making our gear smell bad?

No? Just me? Well, I’m a self proclaimed nerd so get ready for some nerdy talk. We’re all aware that we have sweat to thank for that awesome odor. Sweating is the human bodies cooling system. So, sweating is a good thing. And if you’re working hard and putting forth full effort at practice, it’s very likely that you will end up sweating. So I’m not hear to bash sweating, or to pick on the extra sweaty kids on the track. What is interesting about sweat, is the bacteria that is attracted to it. Did I just say bacteria?

Yes, yes I did derby fans. When your gear is extra funky, it means you’ve got yourself a bacteria party getting down against your skin. Sweat is mostly water, but a small percentage is a mixture of ammonia, urea, salt, and sugar. This combination of inorganic and organic stuff happens to be what the bacteria, on our skin and gear, loves to…dare I say…EAT. When bacteria such as Micrococcus (commonly found on polyester) and Staphylococcus (commonly found on cotton) start feeding, all you can buffet style, the byproduct is the wonderfully pungent smell, we call, derby funk. So basically, when our gear smells, we are smelling bacteria farts.

So there’s the science behind derby funk, now how do we minimize it without washing our gear after every use? Bacteria enjoys hot, wet, and dark environments (i.e. derby bag in a hot car). However, it still multiplies fairly well in cold, dark and wet environments (i.e. derby bag in a cold garage). So here are some ways to stave off the funk:

1. Air out your gear after every use. Getting rid of moisture slows down the bacteria orgy.
There are lots of cool ways to dry your gear. There’s the old fashion, lay your stuff on the floor option. You can also use a fan, or if you’re looking for something a little more fancy, there are shoe dryers and sports equipment dryers that can cut down the drying time.

2. Spray it down.
Spraying stuff down works well if you combine this with airing the gear out. There are lots of things you can use to assist with the killing of bacteria, but keep in mind nothing is a 100 percent solution. White vinegar is a good natural bacteria killer along with rubbing alcohol. Better yet, both are natural and easy on the skin. There are also sprays that neutralize odor, but not all of them kill bacteria. If you’re a little more adventurous, you can also make your own sprays using a combination of essential oils that deodorize and kill bacteria.

3. Don’t forget, washing is a good thing.
Hand washing is easier on the pads. You can toss a medley of deodorizers and disinfectants into hot water. Good start, is to mix in detergent, white vinegar, and really anything else you think will help. Make sure everything gets nice and soaked then just let it sit for 30mins or longer, depending on how funky they were. Then, when it’s done soaking, rinse all of your gear under running water to get any soap out of the pads. Finally, use your favorite drying method. Of course, you can use your washer; however, it’s a little rougher on your gear and you’ll want to control the velcro parts to avoid them catching to other items. If you’re washer has this option, it’s a really sweet deal to let the pads sit and soak in the washer before it begins to go through the wash cycle. Usually, if I go the washer route, I put all of the pads into a pillowcase and close if off with a hair tie. I don’t suggest drying your gear in a dryer. Air dry or any of your other favorite drying options will do the trick.

So we know what’s making the smell, we know what makes the smell worse, and we know ways to combat the funk. However, what I really want to know is, what are you all using/making that works to fight the funk? Share in the comments below, so together, we can make derby just a little less smelly.

-Jukes

Sometimes I get these grand ideas to try new things, then it suddenly hits me, that it would require me to do things outside of my comfort zone. Old me would pitch an internal fit (current me is still a nervous human, but far less dramatic). That’s when the anxiety and self doubt would usually kick in. So many thoughts would pump through my brain, and most of them would be negative. The same was true when I decided to try roller derby. The internal war I went through, might as well have been a reenactment of WWII. The mind is a tricky thing.

The Monday after I saw my first bout, I worked up the courage to go to a practice. I am very skilled at getting lost, so I left my apartment early. However, this was one of those rare occasions when I didn’t get lost, so I arrived at the practice venue with plenty of time to spare. I strongly dislike arriving first at events. It gives me time to over think some more, and potentially bail out. I sat in my car, listening to the radio to calm my mind. One by one, derby women parked, grabbed their gear, and walked inside. I sat in my car like a creeper, and watched them mosey on in. I sat in my car, till five minutes after the practice start time, and decided it was time to walk in. I counted to three, with three being my cue to open my car door, and sat there frozen.

For me, counting to three doesn’t always work on the first try. In this moment, it took three rounds of counting, to finally open my car door and step out. I timidly made my way inside where derby ladies were strewn about the floor putting on their gear. I awkwardly hovered partway between the entrance and the group of women.

Finally, after what seemed like years, someone walked up to me. “Hey there! Can I help you?” Flight mode was activated, with what courage I could muster up I held my place and answered, “Hi…yea…I saw you guys skate on Saturday…and…umm…heard the announcer say to show up at a practice…to join.” The skater smiled, “I’m so happy you came! Well hey, we’re actually doing a bout review today, so it will be kind of boring, with not much skating. But how about you come back Wednesday. It will be a full practice on skates. Do you own skates?” Once again my awkward response, “Oh, okay…ummm…no…I…I don’t have skates.” The skater smiled, I think she sensed my nervousness, “Okay, don’t worry about it, we’re at a skating rink, so you can use a pair of the rentals, for free. We also have a bag of funky gear you can borrow from. I see you have a mouth guard, so you’re all set.” I smiled, fumbled around with my mouth guard, “okay, sounds good. I’ll come back Wednesday.” I scurried out of the venue. I made it outside and took a deep breath. Hard part done, right?

No, not even. It was almost soul crushing, that I had showed up on a non skating day. Waiting another 48hrs, gave me more time to decide it was a dumb idea. They didn’t know my phone number, or know my name, and they probably wouldn’t even remember I stopped by. Therefore, I could slip back into my comfort zone, without anyone knowing, right?

How many of you think I went back on Wednesday?? I’ll save that answer for another post. Right now, I want to talk about having a league plan (a plan for what?). A plan for, what to do when a roller derby wanna be stumbles into the door. Do you turn them away? Do you get their name and phone number, then hit them up when a fresh meat program starts? Do you stare at them awkwardly and wait for them to melt away? There’s no right answer. There’s just, what works for your league.

Some leagues have open recruitment throughout the year, so when a stray walks in, you can get them set up and ready, right away. If your league is hurting to recruit bodies, then you best have a plan to trap that nervous little newbie before they run away. Other leagues can’t really afford to train a new kid at a random practice during the week, and that’s fine too. However, if that’s the case, maybe get their name and contact info, then turn them into an NSO, until the next fresh meat session. It’s also, a good idea to plaster your social media sites with future skater recruitment dates. Most importantly, you just need to have a plan that works for your league. Make sure everyone knows what the plan is, or perhaps take it a step further, and have a few skaters who know the plan really well. Then make sure they are the ones who scoop up random folk, who walk in interested. Just some food for thought.

I’d like to hear what works for your league. What kind of plan do you all have in place? Leave a comment below to give other leagues some fresh ideas. Thanks for reading! – Jukes

This is my blog. There are many like it, but this one is mine…

Please note, that my opinions, within this blog post and all future blog posts, are just that, my opinions. If you disagree with anything I say, please feel free to engage in respectful dialogue in the comment section below. I can also be reached at jukes@derbylisting.com. Thanks for joining me on my blog-venture!!

Dear Potential Skater,

Life is full of choices. Perhaps too many choices. Some are filled with the potential to be life changing, while others are small and perhaps mundane. For me, Roller Derby was a significant life choice. Before my first practice, I sat in my car for a half hour outside the venue, until I finally convinced myself to walk in and introduce myself. I’m so happy I did. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it sent me on a life path that I didn’t know was possible. And now, I am here to encourage anyone, who is on the fence about joining the sport, to go for it.

It hurts my heart when I hear someone express interest in Roller Derby, then sell themselves short. Common responses are:

• I’m too old
• I’m too small
• I’ll break something
• I can’t skate
• I’m not coordinated enough
• I’m too busy
• I’m not cool enough

It’s easy to validate any excuse in our heads. However, if we can convince ourselves we aren’t meant to play Roller Derby, what else in life have we convinced ourselves that we can’t do? We have so much potential as humans. We are walking meat bags waiting to accomplish something great. We just need to allow ourselves the chance to succeed. If we don’t try things, we get to avoid failure, but it also means we don’t get to experience success.

I tend to make my choices with the mantra, “no regrets” in mind. I even have it tattooed on my wrist (spelled correctly of course) as a constant reminder to make the choices that I find to be most fulfilling. Sometimes those choices are ridiculously scary; however, it is usually the scariest choices, that are the most rewarding. Let us not shy away from the things we want to do, simply because we fear we aren’t capable. Let us not allow fear to make us regret the things we did not do. And let us always remember, we are all wonderful walking meat bags full of potential.

Stay derby weird,
Jukes

This is my blog. There are many like it, but this one is mine…

Please note, that my opinions, within this blog post and all future blog posts, are just that, my opinions. If you disagree with anything I say, please feel free to engage in respectful dialogue in the comment section below. I can also be reached at jukes@derbylisting.com. Thanks for joining me on my blog-venture!!